About three months ago, Nathan had a cancer scare.
“I found a lump,” he said. “And I just thought, what the hell, I’m gonna go try to live a little.”
That attitude is what brought him from the East Coast to Portland, when he decided to live out his teenage dream of moving to the Northwest. When Nathan was younger, he found sanctuary in his Nirvana CDs.
“Their music got through to me in a way that was more real to me than anything else in my life, including the people.”
The memory of that connection has stayed with him. Now, he’s working on finding his own place in the Northwest scene.
Since moving, Nathan has been deemed cancer-free, but he’s no less dedicated to living a fuller life. Back in Memphis, where he was living last year, and in Annapolis before that, Nathan struggled with a lack of inspiration and a feeling of being trapped. Paying for his apartment left him with no extra money, and the only jobs he could find were tedious, including aerating bananas in Walmart’s produce department. Here, he’s been enjoying the freedom of spending time in the outside world, writing in coffee shops and, now, selling Street Roots.
Nathan’s passion is writing, and in Portland, he’s found new creative energy.
“I’m so excited about it, because when I was in Memphis and not really leaving my house, I wasn’t getting anything done,” he said. “I wasn’t writing. I couldn’t focus on reading. It made me really sad because my liveliness was gone. Now that my liveliness is back, I’m embracing it.” Sometimes, of course, that isn’t as simple as it sounds. Nathan has schizoaffective disorder, and some days, he said, “I have to accept that I just have to decompress, just be alone and think to myself about things.”
For those times, Nathan looks to mindful meditation. Giving himself space to think and acknowledge his thoughts without trying to control them can help get his mind back on track to keep working on writing his life story.
Aside from writing, Nathan is focused on trying to find community. One difference he’s noticed between Annapolis and Portland is the availability of mental health services. In Annapolis, it was easier to find support groups where he could go to talk and socialize. In Portland, he’s looking to creative writing groups to help fill in that gap. He’s started attending Street Roots’ weekly writing workshop and is looking for more groups to join where he can share his thoughts and work.
Overall, Nathan is feeling good about his prospects in Portland. As anyone who’s moved far away from home knows, there are good days and bad, but Nathan says: “I’m just in a new place, trying to adapt and trying to live my life.”